My Old Man’s A Dustman

Oh! my old man’s a dustman he wears a dustman’s hat
He wears cor blimey trousers and he lives in a council flat
He looks a proper narner in his great big hob nailed boots
He’s got such a job to pull em up that he calls them daisy roots

Some folks give tips at Christmas and some of them forget
So when he picks their bins up he spills some on the steps
Now one old man got nasty and to the council wrote
Next time my old man went ‘round there he punched him up the throat
Oh! my old man’s a dustman he wears a dustman’s hat
He wears cor blimey trousers and he lives in a council flat

I say I say Duncan! I ‘er…I found a police dog in my dustbin
(How do you know he’s a police dog?) He had a policeman with him

Though my old man’s a dustman he’s got a heart of gold
He got married recently though he’s 86 years old
We said ‘Ear! Hang on Dad you’re getting past your prime’
He said ‘Well when you get to my age it helps to pass the time’
Oh! my old man’s a dustman he wears a dustman’s hat
He wears cor blimey trousers and he lives in a council flat

I say I say I say! My dustbins full of lillies
(Well throw ‘em away then) I can’t Lilly’s wearing them

Now one day while in a hurry he missed a lady’s bin
He hadn’t gone but a few yards when she chased after him
‘What game do you think you’re playing’ she cried right from the heart
‘You’ve missed me…am I too late?’ ‘No… jump up on the cart’
Oh! my old man’s a dustman he wears a dustman’s hat
He wears cor blimey trousers and he lives in a council flat

I say I say I say (What you again!) My dustbin’s absolutely full with toadstools
(How do you know it’s full) ‘Cos there’s not much room inside

He found a tiger’s head one day, nailed to a piece of wood
The tiger looked quite miserable but I suppose it should
Just then from out a window, a voice began to wail
He said (Oi! Where’s me tiger head) Four foot from it’s tail